Incarcerated Child... Nothing to Live For

I grew up with one of the longest wish list in the world and never received a single thing on it. In elementary and junior high school I was the class clown without telling a single joke. I was ashamed, embarrassed and hurt by the way I was forced to accept this type of abuse. The girls in my classes weren't interested at all and out of the entire school I possessed one friend. I was officially what you call a VUP (very unimportant person), and life as I knew it became worthless. Killing myself was never an option, it’s a cowardly act that doesn't fit my character. The reality of it was that I didn't want to die, I wanted to live and at the same time be alive… but I didn't know how. I wanted to feel loved enough by my mother to send me to school in a satisfactory and comfortable fashion, loved enough for her to sacrifice the things that made her happy in order to make me happy. When that never occurred I figured the streets had the filling to satisfy my needs and I dived in head first.

At 15-years-old I didn't think I would see the age of 25. My relationship with some of the associates I had in my life painted that grim picture every day that I came outside. Not to mention the many times my mother told me I would never amount to anything. I knew nothing about having dreams and aspirations growing up as a child because they were never topics of discussion in my home. Without that experience and an absent father I realized I had to find my own way in this life. My father was and still is incarcerated so proper parenting never played a role as I grew both physically and mentally. On top of feeling alone I didn't know who, what, when, where, why, or how to do anything. Because of my ignorance to these things I chose a world I really didn't understand the consequences of living in. But since I didn't have anything to lose or live for, I didn't care. It was that act of carelessness that landed me in near death situations and prison for almost 20 years of my life.

It was then that I understood having nothing to live for means having everything to live for. It took me a minute to grasp my discovery but I discovered through my negative way of living that I could write. Since, I've been enjoying this new found talent, I have written my first book and am working on the second with several more to follow. I write and perform poetry, travel from state to state meeting new people and seeing different places. And just so that you know, I have been doing these things as a GED graduate who has just began taking college courses. I’m a father, working an honest paying job that I admit is not something I love but must do to support my dream, because of the uneducated choices and decisions made when I was your age. I’m living proof that life is worth living once you learn how to live it.

Discover you and grasp your discovery now, don’t think you can’t, know you can. Things happen in our lives to teach us that life isn't easy or kind. These things happen to separate the strong from the weak and you are of the strong. The belief in you is stronger than the belief in someone else. Your life doesn't end here, it begins here… I’m 40-years-old now.

Shoot to Stop or Kill....
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