Honest to a fault, I thought. My little pension was carrying me through, and I NEVER stole a dime, I swear, but now I  feel I may be involved in something very weird.

About seven days ago, my pension check came into my Chase account as it usually does at the end of the month through ACH. Along with that, another ACH electronic check was posted. It was a hefty amount of $6,890. I had a week before gone to my retirement system to withdraw funds and was sure the money was mine. Since I owe the IRS about $7000 for this tax year, I thought I'd begin sending them payments. On 5/3, however, something else happened. I received another deposit into my motley bank account for $3723. At this point, I checked both ACH deposits and read they come from a refund advantage. Googling them, I realized the IRS was sending ME a refund. But I owed THEM money. So I sent the IRS $2000 more. In all, about $6500.

The question, now, is what's going on? Something is fishy unless it is not. I am becoming undone well past midnight, wondering now: is this money mine?

In a few hours, I will call the IRS and find out if they sent me money. I will get in touch with the bank. Who the hell is sending a poor gambling man ACH electronic money?

Are you? This is a long-distance call to anyone putting money in my bank account. Leave me alone, man. I am used to being dead broke. Don't play with my mind.

I am getting very paranoid about entrapment. This is worse than being set up on a street corner by a guy posing as a female temptress. This is the freakin' establishment, mister. And I had to blab in my novel, The White Bridge, that Chase Bank dealt with Nazis during the war.!

Now the money is in the hands of the IRS. But if the money is not mine, and I don't have it to pay whomever 'they' are, how can I avoid a whole mess of trouble about money I never sought?

"I thought the money was mine, your Honor."

Will they provide me with my medicine and a typewriter in prison?

I am not, nor ever have been, a member of the communist party.

If this is my money, great. But I don't want it, now, even if it is mine. But if it isn't, if it is yours, by chance, I am so sorry I gave it to Uncle Sam.

I am f--ked, entrapped, in drag. Eyewitness News, take me away. Mama, what am I going to do?

I am just a little man, a mouse among the giants. But I live in a time when "man is wolf to man."

I will pay back this money if it is not mine, but how long will it take the proverbial "them" to discover what happened?

And who do I contact? The IRS in Philadelphia, Baltimore, and San Francisco. What office, what division? What banker? My bowels won't hold out, I am certain.

To be continued