Envy Red Fam Page

<p>Please post your questions and discussion topics about the psychological thriller I call "Jaded." </p>
<p> </p>
<p>This title was dear to me as it dealt with very heavy subject matter such as incest, child abuse, substance abuse, and mental illness. It took me approximately 8 months to complete this novel. I never experienced writer's block but it was the sort of manuscript that you had to walk away from and write in small doses. It was emotionally impacting to me as a writer and I definitely wanted to give my all. I hope you gained an substance filled experience as you journeyed  through the pages of "Jaded."</p>

<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; text-align: center; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;"><strong style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Prologue</strong></p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; text-align: center; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;"><strong style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;"> </strong></p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; text-align: center; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Newark, NJ July 4, 1986</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Running up the three flights to our apartment I concentrated on blocking out the smell of urine, the site of crack vials shoved in the corner of each landing, and the sound of police sirens as they whizzed by. All three were on constant replay in my young mind as I counted the days until I could grow up and leave her and this stinking place behind. For now Newark’s Steel City Projects was home to me and my mom Lucille “Lucy” Carter.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Pushing open the front door, I could not wait to plop down on the small couch in our otherwise empty front room, and watch the floor model TV. I hated the bunny eared antenna with extra foil on top. She said it would help us get a better picture on our old black and white but in my opinion, it did not help much at all. These days, I spent more time trying to fix the waves that ran across the screen and far less time watching my favorite program “The Cosby Show.”</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“When you start bringing some money up in here then you can buy a television Ms. Thang” Lucy would bark in her raspy low pitched voice whenever I would complain.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I often day dreamed that the Cosby’s were my family or that they would at least adopt me and get me out of this filthy place. Besides she wouldn’t miss me anyways. She only has room for one love in her life and has no problem showing it.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">It’s probably wrong to say but I think I hate my mom. She doesn’t care about me. She only cares about that powder she lines up on her tiny mirror and the men she calls my uncles that always run in and out of here. She thinks I don’t know what she does but I do. Then again how could she expect me not to know? I recently turned twelve for Pete’s sake. My neighbor Shawn, who is thirteen, told me how boys put their penis in our hole and hump up and down. One day he showed me a nasty VHS on his parent’s VCR. I also saw a couple of stray dogs doing it in the alley down by the park not too long ago. Sex is what it’s called and even the animals do it. It’s no secret to me.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">When my “uncles” are in the back with my mom they pant like those old dirty dogs. I just cover my ears and wait for that long sound at the end. A few minutes later they walk out and my mom stuffs a wad of cash in her bra strap. She just rolls her eyes at me and walks them to the door. When she isn’t looking I roll mines back at her. Sometimes she heads straight for the shower after that, other times she just goes back to her room and slams the door behind her. I rarely catch as much as a glimpse of her during working hours which are volatile to say the least.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;"> I often wish that I had someone to help me with my homework and bake me cookies on special occasions. That’s a stretch because she doesn’t even cook a simple breakfast or dinner for that matter. On second thought, a brother or sister to share things with would be nice. I thought of all of the fun things I could do with a younger sibling.  I could teach them things Lucy did not teach me.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Besides, it sucked being an only child. I had no one to play with as the kids in my neighborhood made fun of me. They were poor like me but being the child of a strung out prostitute put me lower on the totem pole. The kids who went to school with us in the nearby nice neighborhood, ironically named Pleasantville, didn’t like me either. They hung out with some of the kids from my neighborhood but steered clear of me. I didn’t have a single girlfriend to chat girl talk to or exchange childhood crushes with. There was no one to confide in when I got my period a few months ago or to sneak and wear make-up with even though I despised the stuff.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">As I tuned into my show, I was pleasantly surprised when Bill’s face came up crystal clear on the screen. I instantly laughed out loud when he made one of his funny faces. My chuckles and the volume on the television were soon drowned out by those loud funny noises and grunting sounds coming from the back. I turned the volume up to its max which was still low in my book to cover up sex sounds.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">What seemed like a few short minutes later, I heard the door creak and my mom came out of her room. It was situated a short distance down the hall across the hall from my room and to the left of our tiny living room. It was adjacent to our even smaller kitchen.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Lucy had a pale complexion and was very petite in stature barely standing five feet tall. However, what she lacked in height she made up for in spit fire attitude.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">At one time she was feared by many in our neighborhood partly because of her father who ran numbers all over Newark and was known to be trigger happy. He died when I was a few years old, murdered by the husband of his lady friend is what I was told. Rumor had it that the lady's husband got tired of Papa disrespecting him and flaunting his woman around town. One day he confronted him. In the end Papa lay dead with a single gunshot wound to the forehead. Witnesses said the husband smiled as he was placed in the back of the patrol car. Around here they called that execution style.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Lucy never knew her teen mother who ran off when she was an infant to pursue a singing career in L.A. They called the woman Roxy and she had left Lucy in the care of her father, a man in his early twenties. Lucy took a turn for the worst at the news of her father’s death turning to drugs for comfort.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Nathaniel “Jack” Carter, better known as “Papa” to me, was a man of many trades. He left her a little money that he stashed from his numbers game and many side hustles, most of which were illegal. That is when she got her first taste of the white devil named cocaine which had hit our city and spread like wild flowers in the 70’s. It was considered the rich white man’s drug. However, Lucy’s new found wealth and preceding reputation, compliments of her father, not only gave her easy access but a brief getaway from the pain of losing her only family member. She blew through the money in no time so she turned to prostitution to support her habit after trying her hand at being a stick up chick. Her mounting habit made it difficult for her to stay on point and after being pistol whipped by her own gun after a hit gone wrong, she gave up robbing people.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">As Lucy entered the room now looking a disheveled mess, she was followed by a short, slightly chubby, and fairly young Latino man with messy black hair. His gut was round and hung over his belt buckle which he adjusted when our eyes locked. Instantly he made me uncomfortable as I sat on the couch and tried to refocus my attention on the television screen.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Girl, didn’t I tell you to stay outside for at least thirty minutes while I handled some business,” Lucy shot at me.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“But my show…” I pleaded.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Forget that show you better do as you are told the next time or else,” She retorted.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I had never seen this guy before but that wasn’t anything new. Strange men often came in and out of our apartment. However, the way he stared at me caught my attention and made me nervous. I watched him lick his lips as he whispered something to Lucy while looking over his shoulder at me. A look of annoyance came over her face as she ran her fingers through her wild hair which was scattered and strewn about her head like a wild bird’s nest.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I barely remembered when her jet black hair was long and beautiful. It flowed over her shoulders in big soft curls and tickled my nose as she gave me quick kisses that I attempted to swat away. I was about five years old I guess and it was during one of her many attempts at being clean. That time was brief and felt so long ago but I managed to hold onto the memory. It was hard to believe that person ever existed as she showed me no signs of affection now. In fact, I felt that she would have thrown me away a long time ago if she wasn’t getting that check from the welfare people.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Boy please she is a baby and pure as they come what the hell are you talking about,” she barked at the man.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Mami I know you want that hook up and this mula” he said as he patted his pocket and held up a wad of cash.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I turned my back to them and continued watching the Cosby’s, taking my mother’s advice to stay out of grown folk’s conversations hoping she would not send me outside.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">They went back and forth for a moment saying things I could not make out before she announced that she was going to the store for a pack of cigarettes and that I better stay right on that couch until she got back.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Yes ma’am,” I said happy that she would be gone long enough for me to finish the second half of the show.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">What happened next surprised me. I watched as she walked out the door alone and its steel frame slammed behind her.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">The man lingered behind staring at me. He wasted no time as he crossed in front of the television, made his way to the old raggedy couch, and sat down beside me. I became nervous again as I fixed my eyes on the door. For once I wished Lucy would return.  The man scooted closer and rested his hand on my knee as I sat with my legs crossed Indian style. Small beads of sweat instantly formed on the palms of my hands as I attempted to scoot away from him.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“He is funny huh?” he asked with a heavy accent pointing at the television.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Again he scooted closer. He smelled funny and the stench of alcohol oozed from him breath as the remnants of his words danced around my head.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Uh yeah,” I stuttered and tried to stand keeping my eyes on him.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">To that he gave me a look, grabbed my arm softly, and pulled me back down into my seat.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Don’t go yet, this is your home mami. I’m not going to bite” he said with a slight smile.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I tried to concentrate on everything but his wandering eyes trying my best not to make contact with them for any amount of time. I contemplated jumping up and running for the door but fear gripped me and I decided against it.   </p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“My mom should be back in a minute,” I managed to say instead.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I was now aware of the beads of sweat forming on my brow. I made a mental note of the equal pool of sweat forming around this man’s brow. In fact he looked sweaty all over. I noticed him using his shirt sleeve to wipe the drops away but they kept coming.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself for a few minutes,” he said.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about your ma,” he continued as he scooted closer and stroked my cheek before pulling me on his lap.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I tensed and thought about screaming but it got caught in my throat as a gasp instead as he ran his hand up my skirt and into my panties. The pain shot through me as he tried to force his fingers inside of my vagina.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“My mom will be home in a minute” I said again as the tears welled up in my eyes and ran in warm streams down my cheeks.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Shhhh,” he said kissing my neck and sending a fresh wave of alcoholic fumes my way that almost made me throw up.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Suddenly, he pushed me down on the couch and began clawing at my tights before unzipping his pants, pulling out his penis, and attempting to hump up and down on me. The pain was unlike anything I imagined as the next five minutes of my life felt like what had to be an eternity of hell. My cries and protests fell on deaf ears as he grunted and wrestled on top of me.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Shhh mami this will feel good soon baby girl” he stuttered as he struggled on top of me.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Suddenly, I felt a piercing pain run through my privates and a warm sensation run down my legs. I thought about screaming but fear made me think better of it. If this was my uncle then why is he doing this to me? This was the thought that consumed me as his sweat dripped into my eyes and burned. I prayed to pass out or for my sitcom parents to come and rescue me as the room became a blur around me……..  </p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; text-align: center; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">***** </p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Girl get your butt up and clean up this mess,” she screamed as I fought to wake up from what had to be a nightmare. The fire I felt in my vagina let me know it had not been as I picked myself up off the couch and nearly fainted again at the sight of the blood covering its worn fabric.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">Instantly I panicked expecting the Latino man to come out of the back and hurt me again. I shook my head violently from side to side expecting him to appear from her room as he had before.  </p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Look at what you have done to my couch,” Lucy exclaimed angrily in her low raspy voice.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“But Lucy….,” I tried to protest but to no avail as she cut me off midsentence.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“Chile if you’re going to do woman things, clean up your mess afterward” she snapped before slapping my face and turning on her heels to go to her room but not before shoving a bottle of cleaner and a brush in my direction.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">“You’re a woman now so I expect my rent each month,” she said vehemently over her shoulder before slamming her bedroom door behind her. This left me in a state of pure shock and confusion.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">As I attempted to scrub away the memories, the tears ran down my face. It took everything in me to drag my frail body into the bathroom to cleanse myself. It felt as if I had been on the losing end of a 12 round boxing match.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">When I did manage to drag myself into the bathroom, I made the water as hot as I could and stepped in but not before catching a glimpse of my tear stained face, tattered clothing, and head of strewn and matted long dark hair in the round mirror above the sink.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;"><em style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">God why don’t you hear my cries, </em>I thought as I sat in the tiny tub and scrubbed my body purposefully but to no avail.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">That stench which was on me was permanent and would haunt me for years to come.</p>
<p style="border-style: initial; border-color: initial; outline-width: 0px; outline-style: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 14px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-width: 0px; padding: 0px; margin: 0px;">I was 12 years old. Happy Independence Day.</p>

<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 16.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman';"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Imagine having your life consumed with nightmares of a wildly drug addicted mother whose career in prostitution leaves no one including yourself exempt from its consequences. Visualize having an unknown father whose only mark left on your life are unexplained exotic features.  Envision learning that you were marked and written off as criminally insane at the tender age of 12.  Now picture the same mental illness having you torn between two extremely opposite worlds of fantasy and reality. </span></p>
<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 16.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 15.0px;"> </p>
<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 16.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman';"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Journey behind the walls of St Agnes, a maximum security asylum in rural Virginia, and experience the suspenseful tale that is Jaded through the complex mind of a beautifully torn woman. Can love conquer all? This is the question posed as a love interest battles to show support through his own personal dilemma and tragedy. Will a seasoned therapist be able to provide the help needed, or will the unveiling of shocking truths cause damage beyond repair? </span></p>
<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 16.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman'; min-height: 15.0px;"> </p>
<p style="margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 16.0px; font: 12.0px 'Times New Roman';"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Come along for the ups and downs of this jaw dropping drama as Envy Red steps outside of erotica to bring you an intense read about social issues such as mental illness, childhood trauma, the sometimes tumultuous human transition from childhood to adulthood, and everything in between. The twists and turns of this true to life drama will leave you speechless when fact is ultimately separated from fiction.</span></p>
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With so many genres out there to choose from how do you fit in the equation? If you are an author are you categorized by any one particular genre if so why? What qualifies you for that market? Readers, as a lover of good literature what are your favorite genres and why? Do you see saturation in any particular market? Would you like to see more authors break through in another? Give us your thoughts

Prologue

Birmingham, AL June 1989

The howling of the wind and the crack of lightening that followed could not mask the sounds of pure pain and misery that my father’s beating was placing on my mother.
“Carolyn, you stupid whore I know you are messing around on me!” he screamed.
“Earl I would never do such a thing. I promise,” she stuttered while spitting out blood from her freshly split lip.
“Please he was just saying hello baby I’m sorry.”
“You will be you dirty cunt of a woman,” he slurred.
Alcohol was his demon of choice and it constantly flowed through his veins just as pure as water. The slap that followed or her heinous scream thereafter should have cut right through the thunder and woke the neighbors but my aunt’s pleading was the only sign of mercy that god was showing my mother on that stormy summer’s night.
“Earl please don’t do this! The children are asleep!” Aunt Vivian pleaded.
Aunt Vivi is what we called her. She was my mother’s identical twin. Like my mother, she had smooth caramel skin with long jet black hair. Unlike my mother who pulled hers back in a tight bun except when washing it, and often let me brush it with her big wooden paddle brush for hours, she relaxed hers and let its length hang over her shoulders. She was always a frail petite woman standing 4’11” at best but overflowing with life.
She gave us allot of candy. Boston Baked Beans were my favorite. My brother, on the other hand, loved him some lemon heads from the bebop lady who sold everything from chips, to pickles, to shaved ice loaded with cherry/blue raspberry flavoring on top. From this special frozen treat that the neighborhood kids called “bebops,” for reasons that remain a mystery, is where she got her name “bebop lady.” My mother never let us eat candy so having Aunt Vivi come visit was always a joy.
While referring to herself as a city gal who happened to be born in Bama, she loved to tell us stories about life in our nation’s capital Washington, DC. With nothing but go karts and dirt roads to entertain us when we visited extended family in Tarrant, we listened eagerly to her tales of shopping sprees and city living with Aunt Jennifer, the oldest of three girls and one boy. Our Uncle Eugene was the youngest and ran off to the army as soon as he was of age to escape the south. Eventually he married and settled in Washington DC where he made a military career.
They constantly pleaded with my mother to move us there. Everyone knew our family’s dark secret but it was not discussed as far as I knew. My mother would always say “I’m a southern gal and the south is where I’m staying.” I never had the heart to tell her that technically Washington, DC is the south. At least that’s what my social studies teacher Ms. Greene told me.
Aunt Vivi was fun to have around. Besides, he never beat us when there was company so her presence was double the treat. Tonight I listened as Aunt Vivi pleaded with daddy to stop as if death were knocking and she were my mother’s guardian angel sent from above.
I shivered as my little six year old brother reached out to me and climbed into my bed. I held him close.
“Don’t worry it will be over soon lil one,” I said. “Don’t you worry your big head,” I continued with certainty. It was my duty to protect him. After all I am and will always be my brother’s keeper.
With each roll of thunder another blow to my mother’s frail body competed for its attention. I wonder what she will look like this time I couldn’t help but wonder. What continent would her blackened eye be shaped after? Africa? North America? South America? Asia? All are beautiful in their own right, I thought as I watched the tears roll down my brother’s face as smooth as the raindrops that slid from my window pane. Not a tear dropped from my eyes. I must be strong for him. The beating is coming to an end. It always does.
Crack!
The storm was intensifying outside and so were the screams inside the country four room shack we called home.
“Please Earl. Put the gun down you are drunk. Please don’t do this. I’m calling the police!” That was my Aunt Vivi then BOOM!
The thunder in these parts beat down on the earth with fists of fury and was loud enough to command the same respect but that was no ordinary sound. That was the sound of eminent death cutting through the storm. Eminent is such a big word for such a young girl I remembered my teacher telling me.
My mother always told me “learn as much as you can gal and get out of here. It is home for me but the bottom is no place for such a smart girl as my baby.”
“When I grow up I just want to be as beautiful as you are mama,” I always replied.
To that she would say “Hush up and don’t you back talk your mammy. Beauty gets you nowhere in this world. Now brains, hunny that is your key out of this hole.”
I would smile and say “I know mama but I promise I will get us all out of here and away from him.”
Slap!
“Don’t say bad things about your daddy gal he loves us and works very hard to provide for us. He is just going through allot with the devil’s juice but through the glory of god he will be healed.”
The slap never stopped me from saying the same thing. Like her constant bruises, the sting would heal but the pain I felt for her never would let me give in.
BOOM!
The second sound suddenly interrupted my thoughts and sent a pain through my soul that I never felt before and for a moment I thought my heart stopped.
I felt the urine ooze from my brother’s super hero drawers and down his tiny legs. He always wets himself but this time was different. I couldn’t even muster up the strength to yell at him. It was as if he were slowly releasing her pain through this steady flow.
The sharp smell of piss filled the room but somehow I didn’t care this time. Mama would kill me if she knew I used that word. My granddaddy always said piss. I wanted to be just like him carefree. My mother said I got my sailor mouth from him and she would wash it out with soap every chance she got if I didn’t learn to control my potty mouth. Somehow I knew none of that would matter anymore as I took in the stench and the blank stare on my baby brother’s face.
The elders say that when someone close to you dies you feel it deep down in your soul. Meanwhile, like a southern thunderstorm true to form, just like that the rain stopped.
However, this time the clouds remained, at least in my heart. I sat in the dark clutching my brother in my tiny bed with nothing but silence all around us.
The beating came to an end. It always does. Like the swift clearing of the rain, I knew she was gone.