Hello Ms. Oana,

© 2012 by Oana

Some people are to the writers’ community what Jehovah’s Witnesses are to our neighborhoods.

They want you to know more about them and they want to be your friends.

You don’t.

They want you to hear the good news.

You don’t.

They think their message is important to you.

It is not.

I have no idea who their “marketing guru” is, but flooding a person’s inbox with messages about your book is a little bit of a nuisance, to say the least. And I wouldn’t be so turned off if the messages were bubbly appealing, and original.

Let me give you an example:

       Hello Ms. Oana,

       I just wanted to say hello and thanks for the connection.

      (?)

      It is so good to be part of the greater family of writers

     Cheesy but nothing wrong so far

     I've been extremely busy lately

     Hmm… no bueno

     with my book, Passionless Connections II

     Oh, NO!

     Guess what? My book received thirty-three five star reviews and it‘s been on the market for just two days.

     Bullshit!

     Please buy it right away! Also, do not forget to visit my author’s website at www….

     I need to get my nails done!  

    Warm regards and keep the ink flowing!

     Ivan Lotsa Kitsch

     Author of acclaimed novels

     My Depression Is Not Yours, Your Depression Is Not Mine, and  Passionless Connections I and II

Well, I’d better reply to that one. Oh, and let me not forget to carbon-copy some five thousand more recipients on this occasion.

Here we go:

     Dear Mr Kitsch,

    Thank you so much for your friendly message.

    Sorry I did not get back to you right away. My hands were greasy from lotion, I could not type, actually I was rubbing lotion into my breasts… did I just spark your interest? By the way I, too, am a writer. Feel free to check out my author’s website at www.thehealings.net